Look at me.. Look At Me...

2014 was an awesome year! No real complaints, very few regrets, and countless memories. It was definitely top 5 in my 30 years of life.

I'm just reflecting on life and its lessons- and how much of a blessing it is to still be here. I Love Life…the experience, the hustle, the love and everything and anything that it entails.

“Made so many mistakes, I know that my niggas relate”
- Rick Ross, Family Ties

Speaking to family and friends over the past week, reminiscing and what not... I realized that God truly had and has a real plan for my life. I was a wild dude, smh. No exaggeration.

Black Boy Lost

From 2005 – 2008, I was out of my mind. And summer 2007 to winter 2008 was the climax of the craziness. I had a chip on my shoulder, I was lonely, hurt, and half depressed. I would self-medicate with alcohol and women. Living what most would call a double life... in grad school studying for my Master’s and working for a non-profit program that taught youth to be business savvy by day.. And a drunk, gun toting asshole looking for a problem by night.

I remember going to work so hung-over some days that I had to take early lunches to sleep it off in my car... I'd sometimes find shell cases all in my car from wildlin' the night before, and half the time couldn't even remember what the issue was for me to even take it to that level.

Funny part is- I wasn't raised like that. My mom didn't play those games. She was a single parent, god fearing, and worked hard. Too hard to have her sons in the streets, "with those niggas acting like niggas". Lol, and that's a direct quote from my mom, ask my man ID.
We weren't poor but we weren't middle class either. We didn't live in the hood but we lived close.
I was an honor roll student, worked, and stayed low-key, never got in real trouble… cool kid.  With one major character flaw- I was beyond High Strung. Lol. Something that I'm still working on.
But I even had a scholarship to college... I wasn't about that life. I just wanted to have fun, keep some change in my pocket, and get girls.
So this wild turn my life took for a while... was not a result of my upbringing. I credit it to my 'Dark Passenger'... I stole that from the series Dexter, but I feel like it fits my situation so well. So this spirit that was in me multiplied by my temperamental personality created somewhat of a monster.
So many stories I could tell... all true stories, and there's people that could vouch for them... but I'm not going to give you too much right now. Maybe one day I'll write my autobiography and you can pay me for those stories.
But to wrap this up- The other day I was asked what happened to cause me to change... Church? You finally got in real trouble?  Was it your son? (Quick plug- go read my post 'Proud Dad, No Tears')

And my response was I don't know. It wasn't church, although I'm 100% sure God was looking me out. It wasn't Kameron, although he changed my life in the biggest way possible. And yeah I did get in trouble but I'm not sure if that’s what did it either.

I really don't know... I feel like I just woke up one day and it was different...

I could have easily been a statistic... dead or in jail. If it wasn't for a higher power. But...

Look at me.. Look at me...

Got my life together, I grew up. God looked out. I'm still about having fun, getting money, and women... I mean womAn. Lol.
I'm just trying to be that example for my son, my students, and whoever is watching me. I've accomplished some goals and it looks good on paper... but I still have goals and dreams I'm chasing... My success story is still in the making.. I’m still writing it…

I'm far from religious.. But in the meantime, I’m just trying to live like Matthew Chapter 6 (Message Bible)
Do Better.. Be Better…

Happy New Year
God Bless
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